Where a kid can be a kid. Sort of like Chuck-E-Cheeses without the wackum moles.

I really feel I have grown a lot as a person in the past few months. I am really happy but I'm also frustrated because I don't feel I have the support and trust of friends right now that I really need.

I wish everyone could understand my feelings and how sincere they are. I have so much love in my heart and I am so ready to grow and share but at the moment I don't know how to talk to people about these things. I don't know how my feellings will be recieved and I am worried I may lose a lot of extremely important friends or that they may see me differently. I am still the same girl, the only thing that has changed is that I have found love.

I am in love and I can't help it, I can't change it and I can't deny myself this happiness.

I've never felt so peaceful with anyone and so sure about my feelings and if I were to deny myself this love it wouldn't make anyone else any happier, it would only leave more people hurt so I am just going to follow my heart and go with it.

This is how things are so now all I can hope for is that it will be accepted.

Need a job. I really really need a job. I wanna learn to drive and I can't drive if I can't buy a car or pay for insurance and gas. I want to move out of my house and I can't move of I can't pay rent.

I need to be able to pay for myself when I go out with my friends. I need to pay to leave the state if I feel like it.

Yes... I need a job.

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=114410977

I want you to hear my music and tell me what you think. I want to know what songs you like and/or think I should work on.

I started dreading her hair last night and I am probably gonna finish when she gets home from working at the Stereo store.

I am gonna listen to The Heartless Bastards now because they are amazing.

I also made a hat last night. It's awesome too.

Life is tough. It's confusing, it's frustrating and
it's painful but it's also beautiful and you only get one so make the most of it and try to get through it with out feeling so much hatred towards the people who've always loved you no matter what.

Today I am going to Boston with Zosie and the Kitten to see Kimya Dawson at Newbury comics.  I wish I wasn't so broke. I wish my Mikey Goggles weren't broken. 

I'm growing up.

I'm growing out.

And yet.. I am not getting any taller. 

The other night I was feeling so much love for my self and so happy.. now I am just low.

I am too old to be a kid but too young to know what to be doing.

I feel like I am being jerked around.

I can't get excited for my upcoming show.  The girls I have to work with are far too young and I just can't relate. I am the oldest of 31 girls and yet I don't think it matters. I don't think I will get and kind of more important part because of it. I think since I am the only one my age they are just going to have to try and find something to do with me.

I am the oldest. I am weird looking. What will they do with me?

was my for month dreads anniversary! Hell yeah! I have to take out the extensions I just put in because

1. they are hard to put up and I am going to be performing soon.

2. My hair is really progressing in an interesting way and the new wool just doesn't feel enough like a part of me.

3. I just like the length my hair is at right now and I want to enjoy it. I can always reattach my extensions if I want. I am not taking l out the the button one or anything.

I am thinking of Changing The name Sista Mama, it doesn't really match my music and there is no more Mr. Guy stuff really.

So yeah. Listen to Commander and Jordan and Bury Toby!

It could turn out anyway!

It could be good!
it could be  bad!
It could be none of the above!

But I don't uuuunderstaaand

No I don't UUUUUUnderStAAAAAaaand

WhYYYYYYyyyy

I'M IN LOVE!

I'M IN LOVE!

I'M IN LOVE!


Do do do do do doooo


That song always makes me think of Dan.

I really like The db's.  I always forget to listen to them.

I need a clock and a pack of cigarettes for when I'm done with the clock. 

I am lonely as a kitten trapped in a hamper. Though I am not very kitten like.

I am listening to music that if your in a good mood makes you extremely happy but if you are missing someone and just feeling extremely alone it just makes you feel really sad.

It's so frustrating being so in love with a place that seems so inaccessible the boy who lives there.

I wish knew exactly how he felt.

THE WEATHER IS SO FUCKING BEAUTIFUL!!! I wanna be out in it! I wanna go Photoboothing! I want an Icecream cone!

I want a spazzy boy to run around and click my heels with!  AAAAARG!!!

Last night I was so depressed. Today I am less depressed because it is so beautiful out and I am wearing my Cabazon shirt!

I want some seltzer water. I'm gonna go get some!

There is so much I want right now. I want my birthday to come. I want  my tattoo. I want to get an apprenticeship at a tattoo parlor.  I want Dan to come and visit me.  I want to leave and go to LA.  I don't want to perform in March. I don't want to perform at the Met. That place is a shit hole and the floors are not made for dancing at all. It's a real shit space. I am surprised Eva Marie is having us perform there again.

I want something big to happen for me. I am tired of feeling trapped in my house. It's weird, since my my Gramma died and I have been down here I feel even more trapped than I did when we only had the up stairs. The color of the walls really brings me down.
Looking out the window at the street just makes me want to..I don't know. I hate it. I really hate it here. I need a job so I can make money so I can get the hell out of this place. I don't think I can take another year here.

I am not going to college. I am probably not even gonna take my GED. I just want to learn to drive, get my license  and save up enough money for a shitty car I can call my own and make a new life somewhere else. 

My situation is depressing. Frustrating. Stressful. Shit.

I spent all day making and attaching new extensions. I really love them, they make me feel like a sea witch. I want to go to the beach so bad. I want to move to California. I want to start my tattoo future.

I am sure everyone does. I want to be Sixteen again. I really don't but I don't want to be what I am right now and the girl I was back then seems a lot more appealing. I know I was just as fucked up then though too. Just in kind of different ways.

You keep on spinning in the same direction. It gets frustrating. People keep coming in and out but you are stuck. You can't stop walking in the same closed up circle. It gets very confusing and the confusion doesn't seem to end. If you stop walking it hits you and knocks you into the glass on the other side so why not just step to your right and walk out that door? Because it's not that easy. It takes time and coordination.

I just found out tonight that my Youth company's placement audition is this sunday and the show is in MARCH!!! Not even late march! It's like.. March 15th! Oh man. I am gonna be the oldest this year. The second oldest is only 14.